Luke 19:1-10

This past week, I was having a very rough and self-centered day.  I was miserable and it was my own doing.  I knew better than to make a phone call and whine about my day, but I needed something to distract my thoughts.  I listened to a sermon by Dr. Paul Tripp.  My expectations were not that high... and then I got nailed in the heart.  It was very good and very convicting.  I walked away from that sermon reminded that God did not come to the world to bring me comfort, but to save and redeem me.  It is my choice whether I will join Him on his mission or if I will fight for my own comfort.  Amazingly, God does provide comfort to us in the craziest ways and moments, but that CANNOT be the thing I seek on a daily basis.

I read and reread the passage in Luke this morning and got nothing out of it.  Then it occurred to me that Zacchaeus chose the path of redemption rather than comfort.  He had comfort and actually cashed it  in to follow Jesus.

I am thankful and amazed by God's multifaceted approach to redemption.  He uses many different sources and examples to teach me the same lesson over and over in a period of time.  He definitely gets my attention.  Hopefully, I will learn.

*A side note regarding sermons:  I have found that when I am too weak to do my own Bible study, a sermon is a great way for me to learn and be challenged.  It is not a substitute for my own Bible study, but there have been times when I needed the extra help digging into God's word.  Sometimes,  it is just a day here and there, other times in my life, it has been the only time in God's word I could manage for months on end.  I am so thankful to live with the resources that we have available.

Luke 18:35-43

I struggle with passages that tend to lead us into thinking "Ask and you shall receive".  While that is true, there is more to it than that.  I struggle because I don't know what to do with the passage or how to apply it to my own life.  My observation today was that the healing led directly to the glorification of God. 

God can and will do amazing things for His people and for His glory.  Our faith as well as our hearts motivations (see yesterday) are key components in our relationship with God and what He will do in our lives.

Lord, May my heart be tuned to Yours as I live my life.  May the things I desire be the things You desire for me and may I use Your gifts to bring glory back to You.

(I am not sure any of this made sense today, but it did in my head and that is worth something :)  )

Luke 18:18-30

When I read about the rich young ruler, I feel convicted because I know there are things that I hold onto in my own life.  I know there are things I struggle to trust God with.  On a day like today, when I feel tired and discouraged already, it is hard to read.  However, the passage did not end there.  The disciples responded with fear and their insistence that they had given up a lot to follow Jesus.  Jesus reassures them.  While it is impossible for people, to do what it takes to be saved, God's grace is rich and covers a multitude (1 Peter 4:8).  God knows the hearts of those who love Him and is gracious towards them.  That is comforting on a day when I don't feel like I have a whole lot more to give.

Luke 18:15-17

The lesson here, is similar to yesterday... humility.  Rather than looking down on those who are not as mature, we should humble ourselves.  The reality of this lesson, though, is a little intense.  Jesus tells his disciples to humble themselves and then leads them right to a practice session.  They fail the test and He reminds them to be humble.  That was a lesson that would probably stick with them.

Luke 18:9-14

GUILTY!   I feel so very guilty.  My pride gets the best of me.  I try to do things in my own strength.  I look down on others.  I do my best to earn affection and attention.  I do it all, time and time again.

On the flip side, I recently took a trip to Michigan with the kids.  I felt very brave and confident driving 1200 miles with the kids, by myself, twice.  Before I even got to Lake City, I started realizing how foolish I was.  I had no control over the mood of the kids, potential accidents, flat tires, car problems and so many other things.  I started to fear.  Fortunately, I had packed some sermons on CD to listen to while we drove.  I listened to Mike Tiffany teach on grace.  I realized that my day may go horribly wrong, but God was big enough to walk me through whatever might happen.  I rested in God's grace for the entire trip and it was amazing.  There were only a few crazy moments with the kids.  I was spared from any crazy issues with the car.  Best of all, my faith grew as I realized I did nothing to make the trip happen smoothly--it was God.

Luke 18:1-8

I don't feel like my thoughts are very well organized this morning (no SOAP today!), but I have a lot of them.  When I started reading, the end of verse 1 stood out to me.  ...they ought to pray and not to lose heart.  As I finished my reading and reviewed that phrase, the words of Psalm 43:5 jumped to the front of my mind (Yay for memorized verses that stick!).  Put your hope in God for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.  The main thought for me: We are to bring our concerns to God.  That is the best way to actively put our faith in Him for that situation.  The bonus to that is that it is a form of worship and brings honor to God as well.

I have listened to many sermons and opinions on prayer in the past year.  There are many good thoughts shared, but some are misleading.  One of those thoughts was that we pray to align our hearts with God's.  While I think that this is true, I think it denies the reality that God wants to hear our thoughts and concerns and that our words do change His actions, as this passage describes.  God wants to be honored with our trust, and He responds with the love of a Father.

One last somewhat random thought:  I believe we need to be careful how and what we pray.  We need to seek God's heart in each situation and not fight for our own will and plan through prayer.  I suspect that God sometimes allows us to have our own way, even when it is not best, so that we will learn... just like a father.

Luke 9:37-48

We have family in town and I am VERY DISTRACTED... but in a wonderful way. :)

My readings have been a little shorter, but I will take what I can get.

The thing that struck me today was that the disciples were focused on themselves.  Jesus just told them to listen carefully as he told them that he was going to be betrayed by men.  The next thing we know is that they were arguing about who was the greatest.  As a mom I am familiar with this type of listening.  It drives me nuts!  I know I do the same thing though and I owe God an apology far too often for this very thing.

Luke 9:21-36

Read it, but lack any response

Luke 9:10-20

Yesterday, in our passage, Jesus asked his followers to trust him, but warned that it won't always go well.  Today, in contrast, he blesses those who chose to trust him.  They trusted him and followed him in order to hear his teaching.  Jesus blessed them with food for their bellies.  I especially appreciate the fact that scripture notes that they were "satisfied".  On top of this, there were baskets of food leftover. 

Some days are like that... I see blessings at every turn.  I am overwhelmed by my Savior's lovingkindness toward me in every area of life.  Other days, I fight the urge to kick manure laden dirt in the faces of those who "do not receive" me.  Today, I am willfully shaking the dust off my feet and moving on.  Perhaps tomorrow will be a feast of bread and fish. :)

Luke 9:1-9

In verses 3-5 Jesus tells them to not take supplies, even basic ones, for their journey.  It is pretty clear that Jesus wanted them to walk by faith.  What I think is even more interesting is that right after Jesus tells them to walk in faith, he tells them they will be rejected.  He essentially tells them to shake it off and keep going on. 

I get so overwhelmed when things are tough or don't go well.  It is normal for me to quit or become very self absorbed.  I need to continue to trust and keep on with the journey.

Luke 8:40-56

 And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”
 While he was still speaking, someone from the ruler's house came and said, “Your daughter is dead; do not trouble the Teacher any more.” But Jesus on hearing this answered him, “Do not fear; only believe, and she will be well.” And when he came to the house, he allowed no one to enter with him, except Peter and John and James, and the father and mother of the child. And all were weeping and mourning for her, but he said, “Do not weep, for she is not dead but sleeping.” And they laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. But taking her by the hand he called, saying, “Child, arise.”
(Luke 8:48-54 ESV)

Random Bible class information: This is a chiasm... a story within a story.  The point of the main story is found in the interrupting story.

I feel like it is a lot easier for us to talk about what we would like God to do than to acknowledge what He has done.  It is a lot easier to pray for God to do something than to thank Him for what He has done.  When we are in need, we are desperate and willing to employ any means to relieve the pressure.  The woman in this story had engaged every resource available to gain healing.  Supernatural intervention is what we long for most!  When the pressure is gone, we are much more likely to settle for the natural than the supernatural.  When I do this, I don't intend to slight God and His workings in my life.  I just feel funny about depending on the supernatural or crediting a miracle when it could be something else.  I think in this story, Jesus highlights that He alone was the source of healing and wanted that recognized.

I praise Jesus for my "retirement" from RaceSmith.  It was a gift from God and my husband that I didn't even want.  I didn't see the need for it until it happened.  I didn't work for it, ask for it, and yet it was given to me anyway.

Luke 8:26-39

 “Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you.” And he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him.
(Luke 8:39 ESV)

I often forget how devastatingly harmful the devil is.  His demons did nothing but wreck havoc and destruction.  They tormented the man and destroyed the pigs.  Peace was only available to the man once the demons left him.  Yet, the people were afraid of Jesus more so than they were afraid of the demons.

Sadly, I think this is true of myself sometimes. I fear what God has in store for me because I don't trust Him.  I think that my own way is better and prefer to choose my own path.  How much better it would be to trust God and allow Him to direct my steps away from destruction.

Luke 8:19-25

 But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.”
(Luke 8:21 ESV)

I always thought of this passage as a very harsh one.  I thought this was a poor way to treat his family.  However, I am seeing the other side of it.  Jesus was telling us how much he cares about us and how much we matter to him.

I am not sure this is a direct application from the scripture, but it applies today.   I need to show care to my children.  They need to know how much they matter to me and not just how much they frustrate me.

Luke 8:9-18

 As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.
(Luke 8:15 ESV)

In v. 14, Jesus explains that the seed that falls among the thorns is choked out when those who receive "go on their way"  They don't change direction or implement change, they try to take Jesus with them on their own way. 

I will also piggyback with Laura's thinking as I noted that the good soil bears fruit with patience.  That is something I struggle with for certain.

I also struggle with how to live life.  My life is busy--as demonstrated by the fact that I started this post 4 hours ago and am just now getting back to it.  Keeping Christ as the central figure in that is tough.

Luke 8:1-8

 “A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some fell along the path and was trampled underfoot, and the birds of the air devoured it. And some fell on the rock, and as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up with it and choked it. And some fell into good soil and grew and yielded a hundredfold.” As he said these things, he called out, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”
(Luke 8:5-8 ESV)

My favorite piece of this passage is the irony.  He teaches on listening and then yells, "If you have ears, listen up" (or something like that) :) 

I picture Jesus traveling around with groupies.  The groupies come and go as they are able and everyone shares what they have when they have anything to share. 

I have a hard time with this passage because I have heard it SO MANY times.  The meat of the passage is the parable of the sower.  Although, the parable is called the parable of the sower, I always think about what kind of soil I am.  I identify with the thorny soil.  While God's word is fruitful in my life, it is often choked out with many worldly distractions.

Luke 7:44-50

 Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”
(Luke 7:47 ESV)   And he said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
(Luke 7:50 ESV)

The love of the woman was evident through her actions while the lack of love from the Pharisee was evident from his lack of action.

Words don't cut it.  My actions will reveal my heart more clearly than my words.

Luke 7:36-43

 “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.”
(Luke 7:41-43 ESV)

First, I enjoy the fact that the Pharisee was talking to HIMSELF when Jesus answered him.  Perhaps, I should be more attentive to what I mutter to myself. :) 

I have thought about these verses for several hours this morning.  I understand the passage, but didn't feel like writing about it.  I decided to just get it over with and now I know what I really want to say and how to say it.  We, that is I, don't get the weight of our my sin.  Even in that sentence, I try to defer some of the responsibility of this.  As much as I want to be the woman worshipping Jesus, I am typically the Pharisee judging from the corner.  I keep my words to myself, but that doesn't matter because the words are in my heart.  Recently, a friend's grandpa died.  The man was not saved and the whole family reeled at the reality of his eternal destination.  It was the first time that I had stopped to consider such a thing.  I usually dismiss icky thoughts like that because I don't like to deal with them.  As I thought about it, it made me angry that the man would have to suffer for eternity.  That wasn't comfortable, so I thought about how thankful I am that I don't deserve that.  Then it really hit me.  I do.  Now I think about my grumbling attitude this morning.  I am frustrated with my kids and my life and a handful of other things that rub me the wrong way.  I realized as I sat to write this how selfish I am being.  I do not have a heart of service or thankfulness, let alone worship.

Luke 7:18-35

 For John the Baptist has come eating no bread and drinking no wine, and you say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is justified by all her children.”
(Luke 7:33-35 ESV)

I like that John has questions.  Things took a turn for the worse for him and he had doubts.  This makes him real.  Jesus didn't answer his questions because he knew that John knew the answer.  He just reminded John of the signs to reassure his heart.  I am like that sometimes and need reminders to remind me of what I know to be true.

I am not totally sure I get the last portion of this passage.  I tried to sit and meditate on it and to ponder deeply, but the kids were talking to me the whole time. (I am trying to apply the concept of living deeply in chaos, but this might not be the proper application)  Anyway... I think what Jesus is saying is that we try to frame God and the supernatural in our terms.  We are self worshippers who expect God to come into our existence and understanding.  This leads to misinterpretation and basically being wrong because God doesn't fit.  God is bigger than us and our world, understanding, etc.  In order to begin to understand, we need to first understand that God is bigger than our comprehension.  (This is where I am getting stuck because I know that God is logical, but we almost have to lay logic aside in order to learn about God.  Logic comes back into play, then as we see smaller examples of what we have learned around us... an imperfect reflection of perfection.)  Knox says that we get to know God by loving Him and reading and obeying his word--"His word is the Bible, Mom".  Sometimes, I trust the faith of my children more than my own understanding.

Luke 7:11-17

 And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her and said to her, “Do not weep.” Then he came up and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still. And he said, “Young man, I say to you, arise.” And the dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother.

(Luke 7:13-15 ESV)

Both yesterday and today's passages demonstrate the power of God.  What interests me is the contrast between the two stories.  Yesterday, the church leaders were pleading the case of this man, the servants and the centurion were all involved in asking for the healing of the servant.  In today's story, nobody asked.  There was no step of faith.  There was a broken woman and a dead man.  Jesus had compassion.  He wasn't healing just those who had faith.  He wasn't so caught up in all the commotion that he didn't notice the life situations of others.  While he responded to those who sought him in faith, he also reached out to those who were just simply hurting.

In my life there are times that I plead my case before the Lord and then there are times where I am just a broken mess.  I am thankful that God cares in both situations and that he acts out of compassion.

Luke 7:1-10

 Therefore I did not presume to come to you. But say the word, and let my servant be healed.
(Luke 7:7 ESV)   When Jesus heard these things, he marveled at him, and turning to the crowd that followed him, said, “I tell you, not even in Israel have I found such faith.”
(Luke 7:9 ESV)

The thing that stands out to me in this passage is that Jesus sees the heart of the centurion.  When I read this story, I get the impression that the centurion was a little high on himself.  I know that is not the case though, because that is not what Jesus sees.

I need to be careful about the opinions I form of others.  I also need to pay careful attention to the heart of the person rather than just the actions.  My kids challenge me DAILY lately.  I have to stop and remind myself that big messes sometimes really are just accidents and not plots against my sanity... in other words, I am learning to stop and read the hearts of my children before I choose how to react.

Luke 6:43-49

 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
 “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.”

(Luke 6:45-49 ESV)

O- Proverbs 20:11 Even a child is known by his doings.  Our actions, attitudes and behaviors are a testament to the condition of our heart.  It is worth the extra time and effort it takes to ground our heart in God's will so that we can stand firm when the storm blows.

A- I needed to be reminded that the little things do matter.  It always counts when it is a matter of character and reflecting Christ.  The "little" things are just preparation for the "bigger" things.

Luke 6:37-42

 give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
(Luke 6:38 ESV)

I was supposed to focus on verse 37, but 38 stood out to me a lot so I went with it.  My observations were a little too personal for this format though so I deleted them

I would update the language of verse 39-42 to "Grow up!".  At least that is what He was thinking.  What came out of his mouth was a little more like, "You guys have some great potential and I think you are going to make it.  You have to stop thinking that you have arrived though.  You keep doing silly things and thinking you are better than you really are.  Make sure you examine your own life before giving commentary on the lives of others."  I am pretty sure that He would say the same things to me.

Luke 6:27-36

S-  But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
(Luke 6:35-36 ESV)

O- This is a tough one for me because I don't get it.  I understand the words, but not the application.  Do I leave my house unlocked and let those who are evil do as they wish?  That seems foolish, but it almost seems to be what Jesus is teaching--What we value is foolish and we should let go of that and adopt God's values instead.  I struggled with this so much that I ended up reading a sermon transcript on this passage.  The sermon cover today and yesterday's passages and I liked how this quote tied both passages together. "The most painful parts of life are the most glorious opportunities to live out the kingdom ethics."

A- I have struggled with being wronged and being very, very angry with that person.  Praying for this person is still a struggle.  I do not want to allow this person to continue to hurt my family, but I want to allow the light of Christ to shine through in any interactions I might have to have with this person.  I guess I see it that I love my children very much, and I can discipline them out of that love.  In the same way, I think that people should be held accountable to laws and such, but that we can allow those in authority to do the disciplining and that we can be merciful rather than hateful.  (I don't really know on this, it is a tough passage for me)

P- Praying for my enemies today.

Luke 6:12-26

S-  And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said:
 “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.
 “Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied.
 “Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.
 “Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets.
(Luke 6:20-23 ESV)

O- 1) I never noticed before that Jesus spent the whole night in prayer.  I am much more likely to bemoan the fact that I have no quiet time to spend in prayer than to give up a night of sleep.  Jesus spent the night in prayer before choosing the disciples.  While staying up every night to pray would be foolish, making that type of sacrifice before big decisions seems very wise.
2) I found it very interesting that Jesus chose to teach on the beatitudes in the midst of craziness.  I have read this passage many times and had not noticed that before either.  When things in our family get crazy, I minimize what we need to do and survive until a quieter moment.  Jesus didn't.  He chose a crazy moment to teach about what to do when things get crazy.
3) I have been feeling so blessed lately.  While I am very aware of things in my life that I am thankful for, the feeling of blessing has gone beyond that and I have struggled to put it into words.  Today, it all clicked together in my mind (here's hoping it comes out in words).  Simply, the things we think of as blessings are not the only blessings.  God blesses us with SO MANY things--comfortable and not so much.  For example: God has blessed me with three healthy, intelligent and capable children.  I am thankful for them.  He has also blessed me with the opportunity to learn patience, self-control, service and sacrifice as I care for them.  I choose to be thankful for that blessing as well even though it makes me want to pull my hair out some days.  I hate that this sounds so cheap and corny because it is so real to me right now.  I am so thankful for everything God has given me--comfortable and challenging right now.  It is great to be praised, comfortable, wealthy, happy, etc., but the richness of life is not found in those times.  It is the crazy, overwhelming times where the deepest and most fulfilling blessings are eventually found.

A- 1) I am convicted with how rarely I make sacrifices of things I feel entitled to.  This would include sleep, food and rest.  My children have challenged those things over the years, but I usually only give them up when I have to--on very rare occasions.
2) I need to embrace the crazy times.  Not everything needs to be neat, tidy and under control in order to function or grow.

P- Praying for hurting friends right now who are searching for meaning in the midst of another hurtful time.  Praying that they would feel the presence of God, embrace the closeness hurtful times bring, and that polka dots of grace would appear through conversations and growth as God would bring it to them. Praying for wisdom in dealing with the boys.  Praying for a heart that gives even when it hurts.

Luke 6:1-11

My consistency has not been what it should be.  My friend, Megan, is hosting a Good Morning Girls group and I have decided to join in.

S- And Jesus said to them, “I ask you, is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to destroy it?” And after looking around at them all he said to him, “Stretch out your hand.” And he did so, and his hand was restored.
(Luke 6:9-10 ESV)

O-1) I feel like we all get caught up with the shallow things so often.  We think about looks and the things that make us feel good.  While I long to experience the deeper things of life, I feel like I am trying to dive down with a life jacket on.  The Pharisees in this passage are caught up in the traditions and what is socially acceptable and completely miss out on the amazing good that Jesus had in store.  A man was HEALED! Why do we constantly get in the way of that with our own habits and acceptable behaviors\looks\thoughts. 2) Jesus asked the man to stretch out his hand.  This was an act of faith on the man's part.  He risked being a fool in front of the men who seemingly mattered most.

A-Spend time in God's Word consistently.  My heart will not connect with God's if I am not meeting with Him daily.  Also, reinforce the reality of what is really important with my kids.  While I may insist that their clothes match when we go out in public, this does not change how God sees them at all. :)

P-Praying that God will honor the desire of my heart as it seeks Him.

Psalms 106-110 & "I am In Christ"

I have been listening to more sermons than doing Bible reading lately.  Yesterday, I did both.  As I read Psalms, I was struck by the pattern of forgetting God, consequences from God, repentance, and blessings from God.  The phrase that stood out to me was, "for my name's sake".  Things really aren't so much about us as we like to think.

Later, I listened to the second sermon in Mark Driscoll's sermon series on Ephesians.  These were my absolute favorite quotes:

If you don’t understand that Christ is the essence of your life, that your hope, your future, your joy, your power are in Christ, you will either become arrogant trying to be a trunk, or you will become discouraged knowing that you can’t change your life, and you can’t do all that you’re supposed to do and be all that you’re supposed to be. But if you understand that your identity’s in Christ, then suddenly you understand that your hope is in Christ, and your power is in Christ, and your fruitfulness is in Christ, and that gives you great courage, and it also gives you great humility. “I can change by the grace of God.” Are you in Adam or are you in Christ?


But so oftentimes, our activity becomes our identity. Things that explain us start to define us, and the result is, invariably, they fail us.

1 Chronicles 6-10

The majority of this passage was lists of Isrealite families.  It is not the most interesting read unless you are researching some obscure family relationship or searching for baby names. :)  Sometimes I wonder about little details like, why families are listed out of birth order or why obscure women are listed.  It all reminds me that God is a detail man and values family relationships\heritage.

There was a passage toward the end of my reading about King Saul.  1 Chron 10:13-14 tells us that Saul died amd lost the kingdom because he did not obey God and because he consulted a medium rather than inquiring of the Lord.  It is interesting to me that God singled out this one issue.  Saul did lots of bad things, but this one issue showed his lack of trust in God.  It struck me because I am guilty of a very similar act: gossip.  I am quick to vent to my mom or facebook or whoever I think will see my point of view.  I am slow to trust God to hold my heart when it is hurting, mad, or frustrated.  Slow to talk to the person that I am upset with--strange since I used to do the opposite.  I have been working on this lately and it is getting better, but this was still very convicting and I have a long way to go.

Eternity

A family member of friends recently died.  He was unsaved and that has made the grief that much more intense.  I sat and thought\grieved for the man who did not know God as his savior and the punishment he is enduring.  As I thought about it, I grew angry that he would have to endure that for eternity.  I felt good that I would not face such a future.  I felt almost proud that I did not deserve eternal punishment.  That is when I stopped. cold.  I DO derserve that future.  I am no less of a sinner than he was.  The only reason my future is any better is because of Jesus.  Life in heaven is NOT what I deserve.  It occurred to me, how comfortable I am with the idea of my salvation--to the point of entitlement.  It devestated my heart to realize this.  I am a church brat.  It was humbling to have a little heart check and refreshing to experience heartfelt thankfulness for the gift of my salvation.